Looking up the hill to Sacre Coeur in Paris. Click here for the print.
Fear is good. When you avoid potentially scary situations or pretend you’re not afraid, you can get into trouble. I’m terrible at parties where I don’t know anyone. Walking up and talking to strangers in a social situation makes me highly uncomfortable. If you don’t try you can also miss out on the good stuff like meaningful relationships or overcoming obstacles. Or hearing some funny stories at an otherwise boring cocktail party.
I’ve been thinking about fear lately. There are so many different kinds of fear. Irrational fear, stage fright, going to the dentist, lack of security, being dumped, losing a job, losing a loved one. They all carry their own particular potential pain or humiliation.
I experienced loss of loved ones when I was young. It took me years to figure out that I avoided not just pain but the fear of pain. I put myself in situations where the possibility of fear was less likely. Safe, boring, and predictable. I also ignored legitimate reasons to be afraid. Not smart. Basically creating a wall of non-feeling and foolish bravado.
You can end up living in a weird cotton-wool world where nothing much happens and you have processed white bread for every meal.
On paper I have lived an adventurous life. I worked as a freelance designer in New York and London, long before the gig economy took off. I had very few full-time jobs, I moved from country to country. This appears fearless and adventurous but it really meant running away from commitment to anything or anyone – avoiding the potential pain of navigating big relationships, personal and professional. It took me decades to fall in love with someone worth falling in love with.
It’s much easier to to appear adventurous on paper. Adventurous can also mean running scared.
These days, in a committed relationship with my lovely husband and a pack of trusted pals, I am trying to visually express this my current adventure in France — the good, the bad, and the painful. This has been curtailed by Covid of course. How do you paint cabin fever? Now that’s a challenge.
We are planning for the future. We are taking advantage of having nowhere to spend our money, and saving our pennies for some fun trips in the future.
My adventure in France includes getting scared, trying new things, seeing unexpected spectacular places, being stuck at home. It scares me. But I hate processed white bread.
Sitting in Place Emile Goudeau, a cool and shady spot on the way of the hill of Montmartre. Click here for the print.